Discoveries In This Journey

While I have been MOSTLY eating right this year, I wouldn't say I have been perfect by any means. I have done a lot of inner reflection and have discovered some things that I would like to share.

First of all, I was WAY too hard on myself post surgery when I couldn't work out for at least six weeks. I was mad at myself for putting on several pounds. It was too painful. I am back to the workouts and my mood has improved. I am moving forward and not looking back.

I LOVE FOOD and I medicate with it when I am stressed, upset or celebrating. Yeah, yeah yeah, I know, I should have realized this long ago. I realized it, but not to the point that I now realize I was using food like I used alcohol. Food makes me feel better right away, BUT NOT long term. I need to treat food like alcohol. If only it was so easy! I can't just stop eating! I have to respect food and know that when I am eating right I feel good All. The. Time. Not just at the moment the food is being consumed. I think about food and WW a lot. That's okay. I used to think about food a lot too. I also thought about how bad I physically felt, how scared I was to have hypertension, that my jeans were uncomfortable and that I had low self esteem. I was embarressed about the way I looked. You could see on the outside how I felt on the inside:( I don't feel awesome right now because I am up 17pounds, but I definitely feel better than when I was 250 pounds.

Logan has been enabling me to eat bad. It's not his fault. I need to have some self control! When I get an unhealthy idea it usually involves driving somewhere to buy it! He will jump in the car and hunt down the Reese's Big Cups, Whoppers, Pizza, or whatever the craving of the day is. Going forward, I will be the person fetching the "treats"...hopefully this will help me use the head on my shoulders!

Lastly, I have been wearing an XL coat I should have donated long ago. I was feeling big and uncomfortable in it and it was bringing me down. I am going to donate it this weekend after I wash it. I dug out my cute medium sized coat and put it on today to drop of Hayden Lee. What an improvement in my mood!